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Princess Mujahada

Revote: 1st Poetry Competition

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:sl:

Instead of a poll the voting will be done through posts. Please reply to this thread with either "1" "2" "3" or "4" as your response. :sl:

 

Mash'Allah I think everyone did a lovely job! Insh'Allah I hope more people will participate in future competitions! For this round the theme was: (haiku) "shadow/s"

 

One rule for the participants: You may not vote for yourself, but the one you like best besides yours!

 

1.we are the losers

in the shadows of the doom

black fire of hell

 

2. Allah says shadows

Make prostrations all the time

It yields, can mankind?

 

3. Overlapping souls

Shunned by the sunlight

Still lives when it's bright

 

4. Shadow in the grass

Cast by beautiful white clouds

Wished I'd be as free

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Assalamu Alaykum wa Rahmatullahee wa Barakatu

 

I think you start, so that we can see the format you wish us to post the votes. Should we give points to each one like 1 point for the worst and 4 points for the best?

Edited by Muhsinmuttaqi

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:sl:

 

#2.

 

But it would have been a tad better if the last line was:

 

'they yield' rather than 'it yields' for grammatical reasons.

 

Just my unwanted constructive criticism :sl:

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Assalamu Alaikum

 

#4, it just touched my heart, don't ask me why, until after the winner is chosen??

 

mehnaz, constructive criticism should always be wanted RIGHT???, but we don't know how a poet's mind work, lol.

 

Salaams

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Assalamu Alaykum wa Rahmatullahee wa Barakatu

 

I think you start, so that we can see the format you wish us to post the votes. Should we give points to each one like 1 point for the worst and 4 points for the best?

:sl:

No I think its best if everyone just picks their (ONE) favorite. The rankings will come when we see the most votes, second most, etc.

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:sl:

 

Here's my input:

 

3. Overlapping souls

Shunned by the sunlight

Still lives when it's bright

 

Right number 3, I don't see a clear message in there and wheres the shadow theme?

I sense forced rhyme with the "sunlight" and "bright"..

And find it hard to see a connection in the lines!

 

 

2. Allah says shadows

Make prostrations all the time

It yields, can mankind?

 

I quite like this one, it's clever in the way it uses the theme shadows mashallah :D

Good flow since the lines connect well!

 

we are the losers

in the shadows of the doom

black fire of hell

 

I like the imagery this one creates.

 

Shadow in the grass

Cast by beautiful white clouds

Wished I'd be as free

 

I like this one aswell mashallah.

Good use of the shadow theme..

 

Ok it's out of 2 and 4..

Hmm, lets go read them again and see which one appeals to me most!

Still hard to separate them! :j:

Ok I choose:

 

 

 

TWO

 

Btw to the 3rd poet, from my experience it's the constructive criticism that makes you a better writer..

Getting "MASHALLAH YOUR TALENTED" isn't going to improve your writing..

 

Keep writing all 4 poets cause you have good potential :no: :D

 

Maybe I'll take part in the next poetry competition!

 

:sl:

Edited by Aaqib Ahmed

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just to be picky - in #2 what is "it"? Should "shadows" be "shadow"?

 

There are a few mistakes here and there, so we should pick the one that we think did the best job.

 

Salam.

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Salams!

 

4 is awesome. :sl:

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